Living life with no regrets.

Possible?

Qianyi told me that she made it a point to live so that she wouldn't have any. Which is a very good to do except. I don't know. It hovered in my consciousness after that, rather like a tiny stone in your shoe that doesn't exactly hurt but you can't forget. And I wonder: how do you know what you will or will not regret? What if you went ahead and pursued something but upon looking back, you realised that it hindered you from doing something else? What if you end up regretting that because you were so busy doing so many things so that you wouldn't regret not doing them, you somehow missed out on...Special Stuff that requires Devoted Attention?

Maybe she meant she didn’t waste time by looking back on decisions/happenstances and wishing things were different. In that case, I’d agree. To live life without regrets means being able to refuse succumbing to regret even when there is cause to do so.

I cried at work yesterday

over this.
Not the post, but the actual song.

So this is February.

My first copy’s coming in on the 5th. That’s next Monday and way to soon.

3 more days to our cell waterfall outing
14 more days to Valentine’s
15 more days till my first pay check
18 more days to Chinese New Year.

Yet, I can’t think of anything exciting to look forward too now. Not even decorating for "TEAM ASIA A!!" or cell tomorrow. Or service on Sat and serving communion then and having dinner with the cellies (or ex-cellies) now that Cason's back.

i should finish filing all my notes i should journalise all the stuff I keep scribbling on scraps of paper to record properly later on i should get some proper work shoes and pants since I keep (a) wearing ridiculously-high heels and towering over everybody and (b) freezing my knee caps off at work i really should get drawing pencils and a sketch pad and begin for goodness sake

but none of this all seems important enough to be worth the effort

Prime Numbers

"are what is left when you take have taken all the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them."

I like this quote from Mark Haddon’s “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”. And I think that if you substitute ‘life’ with ‘women’, it will still hold true.

Ya hear that menfolks? Hehe.

Wow.

I just heard that Bergson proposed to Mei last Sat. I can’t wait to hear the details!

Yes, I know that’s so girl.
Yes, I know that’s another one on the bandwagon. I’m so glad for them!!

[Oh, and I found a team member who lives really near me in SS17. Double WOW, I'm going to suggest we carpool. That should save me at least RM200 a month!]

I’m a little cog wheel, round and snug.

Today’s the middle of my fourth week in WK. Next Monday, I qualify for the company jacket. Yay! Well, I like it ‘cos it’s soft and comfy to snuggle in.

Other than a bout of restless boredom yesterday and today, it’s been a good ride. I like the view so far. Roger told me that this job was a secure, boring one with limited possibilities for advancement, which is true. But it’s also still a young set-up that’s in the process of growing. By that, I’m referring to the Cyberjaya operations and not CCH or WK.

So. I’ve attended three team meetings with our Asian publishing mangers in the past two days and a company-wide meeting last Thurs with Kay More, our managing director. The new kid on the block, fresh out of training and taking it all in. While I haven’t done any work yet, I’ve been able to follow them bigwigs as they talk about visions and missions and all the bigwig stuff. It’s actually rather exciting to hear all the goals and plans and see the big picture, and see where your role in turning the huge machinery of CCH Asia.

Kay More went through our overall strategies in 2007, while Audrey and Belinda-the Asian publishing mangers-covered strategies in each of the countries we are in: Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong, Japan and China. This included each country’s target markets, market profiles, CCH’s market position and our competitors. There were figures, revenues and percentages galore in Belinda’s presentation on Monday!

I personally enjoyed Audrey’s session yesterday the most. It was a rather informal session on the evolution of our products and how our customers use them. Her session gave insight on why our managers make the demands that they do and the nature of the industry itself, with its cycles and peaks. The last meeting with Belinda on our product development process was informative but not entirely memorable 24 hours later. And no, I didn’t take any notes.

All in all, I’m rather proud of my company’s history, market position and products. And this is not just an at-first-sight infatuation or the idealism of a green work-drone. I was very proud of my former workplace too. Basically, I like to take pride in my work. Which means when I finally start working on my product, I’d better do it well. Which means I should refresh my memory soon on what I’m supposed to do instead of wasting all my time away now.

Oh, how I love thee, let me count the ways!

I like the way my life has been shaping up these past three weeks. Never in my life have I had such a consistent, disciplined routine.

Now, I
1) drink enough water every day (never before),
2) check and clean my car on schedule (miracles do happen!),
3) manage my laundry flawlessly, (no more accumulating tonnes of clothes to wash and iron! All my mending’s done!) and
4) read my Bible regularly in the morning (finally getting the hang of morning devotions)
5) Picked up my habit of bring fresh fruits and veg to eat at work.

I help out with the dishes most days and I cooked dinner on Sunday night from scratch. Of course, there are still areas to improve on. Like going to bed on time so I can get rid of the shadows beneath my eyes. And regularly exercising, drinking milk and taking my vitamins. Well, I still dislike the idea of pill-popping but hey, welcome to Responsible Adulthood!

With all its trappings of financial independence, disposable income, the feeling of having finally gained a wee bit perspective of life and a solid track record of God to draw upon.

You know, it’s supposed to be the start of the era of the Stable, Committed Relationship. It’s About Time. According to Me Thinks. Yet, here I am still as single as a stick stuck in the middle of a Prairie. Which isn’t quite where I want to be, just to clarify.

So my last post on relationships referred (primarily) to hot-headed college kids. The wide-eyed, idealistic and unknowing type. I quite think I’m past that stage-whether I really am, who knows? I do know that I don’t like not being with some one, to borrow Roger’s phrase. I want to Snuggle and Cuddle and Do Nice Things With and For. And despite being told so, twenty-four doesn’t seem “…still young to start looking for a prospective partner”. It doesn’t seem so to me. Besides, the girl I sat next to during training’s married with a young daughter.

She's twenty six.

Even Roger (look here!) and Jon are jumping (okay, okay; slowly climbing) onto the marriage bandwagon. Somewhat. A couple of years back, they would have gone into convulsions and started foaming at the mouth if you mentioned the ‘ big M’ word to them, especially in front of their respective partners. But that reaction has become a thing of the past. And you know what?

These guys are my peers. In my age-group. And it’s not like they’re isolated cases. The theme of matrimony has been playing steadily in the background for a while now. Even our Christmas musical dealt with it,look set to intensify as more young couples take up premarital counselling or start talking about taking it. Oh, joy.

Someone told me yesterday that sometimes, God gives you something when you stop looking for it. which was a departure from our usual family-in-conflict orientation. Things Maybe that’s a good strategy. But…

But men don't like to stop and ask for directions.

It started at the end of last year. One by one, relationships I knew were shaken. It seemed to be the season for storms and earthquakes as 2006 closed.

I’m talking about couples. Both couples I know and couples I know about.

Some didn’t survive. Others did, but with gaping holes and makeshift patches over portions of walls that have blown away. Yet, the occupants still continue to shelter under the creaky roof of that relationship. Where else is there to go anyway?

So all relationships are tested. Ultimately, all relationships also disappoint.

So what’s wrong here?

It’s sad to see two hearts start out with all the best intentions in the world, and then shipwreck on rocks they didn’t see.

If only they had stopped to ask for directions.