Sad to be happy

Christianity is all about reconciliation. Firstly between God and mankind, and after that between mankind to mankind.

Over the past two to three weeks, I've been slowly trying to live this statement out. Yes, it was a painful process. Yet, the memory of the pain seems to fade as I survey the end results and look back on the journey.

On Saturday I rushed up from Malacca to catch less than an hour of service, waited an hour after service before finally talking for almost an hour. Lots of tears were shed by both, but it was an immense relief to finally have someone help make sense out of the hurt and confusion, and gently point the way forward.

Even though Pastor didn't know anything about our situation and she has never really spoken to him before, she was able to help us understand each other and also discern old, buried wounds that he's carried from way back as a child to the more recent ones. I know now that he couldn't go forward until he went back with someone with the pastoral authority to release the inner healing he needed and as such, the session was very, very timely. As he wept, I wanted to reach out and touch his arm and say that I wished that I could have helped him, both now and during the times he first talked about his past...

But it's not my place to do so. I'm not his saviour; I can't fight his battles for him, I can't carry him through them and at this point, I can't even be by his side as he faces them. I recognise that he has to face this on his own with God. Pastor's advice to me was to let go, and I can say that I have. As I told Jon afterwards, I'm happy with my life right now, but I'm sad that I have to be happy without him.

And it's alright to be that way for now.