Discombobulated

Came across this word today and it’s such a wonderfully, mind-blowing and awesome word that I just had to post it. Go look it up yourselves, lazy mutts. Finished my monstrous 3,000 word report on the measurement process and its role in accounting theory at 3 this afternoon; am in a state of severe sleep deprivation after staying up all night and then coming home to compulsively flip the com on to read pages and pages of trashy (a kinder phrase would be heinously immoral) blogs that really don’t do me any good at all, instead of just crashing in bed. But the trashy ones are where all the cool words are used; another one I found was doppelganger. Nope, I’m not going to tell you where I found it. So there.

Nine more days till it’s all over. Driving back from uni, I realized that I actually like writing research papers-you know, the whole process of conceptualizing (staring into space), researching (looking for suitable material to plagiarize) digesting academic text (figuring out what they’re actually trying to say) and then passing out your own opinions or interpretations (bullshitting!). Hehe, passing it out. Get it? First you digest the academic speak, then you crap. And I do it rather well, if I may say so myself, given the constraints of a very, very tight timeline faced. Ok, imposed. By me. Too bad I wouldn’t ever have the chance to write another undergraduate research paper again. And I actually find most (if not all) of the stuff that I’m supposed to have covered in the past 13 weeks interesting. In this case, its Accounting Theory and Auditing. Too bad I wouldn’t have enough time now to delve into the material too deeply and appreciate all its applications and implications and ramifications. I wouldn’t have the time to ‘develop particular areas of interest by reading more widely [beyond the prescribed text] in those areas which have particular appeal for them’, as advised in our unit guides. It’s just too bad.

What’s scary is I’m not sure if I’m being sarcastic or genuine here. I truly am discombobulated, and not only about by my academic state. Many questions abound, but one rises above them all: why am I always confused? It’s a short jump to the conclusion that there’s something wrong. Maybe I don’t want to be happy. Or don’t know how or believe I can. Or can’t. I’m tired. I don’t want to think anymore and writing this makes me think more than I can afford to and I just want to go to bed now but it’s time for dinner. Enough of introspection.

P/S: sorry, another sad post. I should also add that we didn’t get to discuss the verse I said I was going to in cell last Friday. Joseph said that I should have written down my thoughts on it ‘cos it was quite share-worthy but I didn’t have the time or energy. Someday maybe.