A Sheepish Post

My sincere apologies for lashing out last night. Sometimes I want to be understood without having to explain myself too much. Or rather, I feel that I have explained myself enough already to be understood. In retrospect, I could have done better but I lacked the presence of mind to do so. Ah well, at least you two have seen (or rather felt) one of my character flaws. Am working on it ok?

I thought that I'd gotten over wishing people will ask but I realized yesterday night that in some aspects, I haven't. Why don't they ask? Why don't they care? Was almost in tears yesterday. Tears of rage. But it's ok now. I shouldn't crucify myself over their ignorance. I can't save anyone from blindness, so I shouldn't have such a saviour's complex. Silly, silly me.

Anyway, I got up today and got out Dr. Larry Keefauver's "77 Irrefutable Truths of Ministry". 77 nuggets of wisdom, each a page long. I remembered something from there which I thought would be helpful and I wanted to go back to it again. Started flipping thru from the back and #39 jumped out-"Without prayer, ministry can do nothing. At the core of powerless ministry is prayerlessness...sheep follow the shepherd. As he prays, so they pray. As she worships, they worship. As he studies the Word, so they study the Word. As she serves, so they serve." I felt God tell me to be faithful in continuing with doing these things even if it seems like the sheep aren't following yet. That it's ok if they don't follow yet, because it will come around in time. In the mean time, pray for them.

Moving on, I found what I was looking for. #12-"Ministry's best classroom is brokenness. Brokenness is the tuition people pay to be equipped. The only vessels God can use are broken ones." Listen to it. "Ministry puts the minister on the cross whether he or she goes voluntarily or not. The good news is this: resurrection follows crucifixion. The Potter lovingly reshapes and molds us according to His plan not ours. "Then I went down to the potter's house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make" (Jer. 18:4). Brokenness is not an attack of the enemy. Rather, it's the result of Christ reshaping us into His image."

I realise that I often think that being broken is the result of doing things the wrong way. That if I do everything right, things will all fall into place and be perfect. So, when things go wrong or doesn't turn out the way I expected, I beat myself up. I think, maybe I should have prayed more. Or been more loving, more gracious. Maybe I should have spoke up sooner. That may be true, but I need to see beyond that, to see beyond the cross of defeat. Resurrection does follow crucifixion.

That aside, what followed stabbed me in the heart. "The tools He most often uses to crush us are sheep. They become the sandpaper that smoothes out rough edges. Cleaning up their dung and anointing their wounds enables us to become shepherds instead of taskmasters. We come to value sheep for who they are, not for what they can do or give. Out brokenness allows the oil of healing to pour from us as we become wounded healers. The tears of brokenness cleanse you for ministry. Don't waste your tears. Use them to wash the feet of your people."

The crushing, breaking process starts by allowing them to rub me up the wrong way, as sandpaper that hurts and wounds even as it strips away the ugliness and allows God's love to flow from those very wounds. I definitely recognise that process taking place now. Let me look to Jesus for guidance-after all, He is the first and ultimate wounded healer.

Cleaning up their dung and anointing their wounds. Good job description. Of course, there are also long periods of sitting watchfully in the field, just waiting for them to come to you and wondering if they will ever lift their heads from the ground and move. The challenge then is to remain ever faithful, ever vigilant and ever ready.

I sometimes call them cows, especially when they stand around aimlessly in a herd. From now on, I want to think of them as sheep. Not my sheep-I don't own them-but God's sheep. Wounded, sandpapery sheep smeared with dung. Created in His image, bearing His Son's name (most of them at least!) and infinitely valuable because of that and that alone.

P/S: Just noticed the audience request for more about Designer Sex yesterday night. Was wondering why nobody ever asked about that item because I intentionally didn't elaborate. That aside, I did plan to write on it today but as you can see, there were more pressing topics.