Tracing circles in the past
It's good to revisit your roots every now and then. Both to remind yourself of the place that you came from, and that there's always a good chance of landing back in that territory again. Because in the larger scheme of things, you always go back to where you began. Ashes to ashes. Arguably your spirit, that imperishable side of you, wouldn't be the same anymore after a lifetime of relentless shaping, still you return to your origins. But I digress.
I stayed in for lunch today. It's a sort of harking back to the good ol' days of approximately 10 months back, a response to the relentless need to revisit my old hunting grounds with a recent perspective of past events tucked neatly under my belt. The terrain isn't what most would call picturesque. It's rocky and bare and I'm not sure why it's so important to reconnect with it, but it is.
I grew up a lone ranger. In some instances, I don't think I had a choice about that and having grown used to being in that state, in instances where there is a choice otherwise I hardly take the initiative to seek out companionship. My approach is to take it if it comes, but I assume that I'll be by myself.
So, 10 months ago I was prepared to eat alone most lunches for a long, long time. I went out to the courtyard and once drove around Cyberjaya in Lucy, looking for quiet places to go to if I ever wanted to get out. But that didn't happen in the end. I should be grateful, but it came at a price. One that I didn't pay and was hardly aware of then. I'm still digesting it, but the lump isn't going down. Even if I had known I doubt that the outcome would have been any different, but I think it would have made me feel less helpless and alone now. Maybe it's an empowerment thing. I don't like being left out of a relevant circle of knowledge.
Or maybe I'm just being irrationally insecure. Knowing things doesn't always help. That's one thing that I've been learning.
I stayed in for lunch today. It's a sort of harking back to the good ol' days of approximately 10 months back, a response to the relentless need to revisit my old hunting grounds with a recent perspective of past events tucked neatly under my belt. The terrain isn't what most would call picturesque. It's rocky and bare and I'm not sure why it's so important to reconnect with it, but it is.
I grew up a lone ranger. In some instances, I don't think I had a choice about that and having grown used to being in that state, in instances where there is a choice otherwise I hardly take the initiative to seek out companionship. My approach is to take it if it comes, but I assume that I'll be by myself.
So, 10 months ago I was prepared to eat alone most lunches for a long, long time. I went out to the courtyard and once drove around Cyberjaya in Lucy, looking for quiet places to go to if I ever wanted to get out. But that didn't happen in the end. I should be grateful, but it came at a price. One that I didn't pay and was hardly aware of then. I'm still digesting it, but the lump isn't going down. Even if I had known I doubt that the outcome would have been any different, but I think it would have made me feel less helpless and alone now. Maybe it's an empowerment thing. I don't like being left out of a relevant circle of knowledge.
Or maybe I'm just being irrationally insecure. Knowing things doesn't always help. That's one thing that I've been learning.
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