Sixteen to go

So each week this day has had a sore point, annoyance or trial. Especially so for Tuesday and Wednesday, the aftermath of which was the slight embarrassment of having casual observers ask what’s wrong. Well yes, I am an open book that way. And while I am grateful and thankful for leaders and role models and peers who made the effort, I feel rotten over my inability to explain what it is. I don’t have any answers to give.

I was evaluating whether the two whole days spent by attending our cell conference would be considered well spent. Discipleship, mentorship, leadership principles, evangelism, the Great Commission, burnout, stagnation, small group dynamics, vision, mission, God molding you: all these have multiple checkmarks in the been-there, heard-that column. At some point, hearing becomes an exercise in futility. Why give up two whole public holidays to exhaust yourself out for something you already know? But there’s a but here.

If I could relive this whole week, I wouldn’t do it differently. Even the part where I was nothing but a prickly shell, or when past mistakes came back to say hello. I can’t explain why, and I don’t have to. What I'll say is it was a beautiful day yesterday and I felt like skipping into the office after lunch. I love blue skies and I’m glad to be alive as me. (snuffs in contentment)