Anniversary

It’s been one year. Not to the day though, because I really can’t remember when. It’s always been like that for all the other anniversaries. Not that it’s how I want it to be, but what is will be. There are other things to fuss about anyway.

So. In this, two truths that have to be learnt and unlearnt. It seems that to struggle against it is so firmly engrained that a conscious effort must be made to allow one’s self to float with the current of wisdom.

First, it is hard to believe that after the war is over and you stand in the midst of the carnage and destruction, God is able to make whole again. Oddly, this promise of healing is easier to receive personally than it is to believe that it will come to pass for The Other Party. Personally, I only realized recently that my guilty relapses were really due (albeit unconsciously) to a lack of trust that God really is capable of making anyone and anything in any circumstance whole again.

Second, fallibility is a given. Do I sound too pessimistic or fatalistic? Possibly. It came out differently on Thursday when I said that one thing all my relationships have taught me is that I am not as nice/good/unselfish/caring a person as I actually think I am. This ‘revelation’ still comes as a shock every time the evidence surfaces, regardless of how many times it has come to light before. It’s an almost comical scene; to think, “Why am I behaving this way? That’s not how I am like!” Well, it would seem that we’re really are like that, but we don’t like to remember our shortcomings in the area of virtue, do we?

Time to get ready for lunch now. The necessities of life once again interrupt.