To the people I love with all my heart

I don't feel I really know how to love
I'm learning
and you've been such great friends
and my love grows by leaps and bounds.
You've given me yourselves to share,
and I'll give you myself.

When our love flowers
it becomes
as blue skies running for miles.
Patches of clouds reflect hurts
that hurt no longer once they're over.
My hurts have turned to joys
because of you.


Happy Valentines.

by Sandy Demott.

Anniversary

It’s been one year. Not to the day though, because I really can’t remember when. It’s always been like that for all the other anniversaries. Not that it’s how I want it to be, but what is will be. There are other things to fuss about anyway.

So. In this, two truths that have to be learnt and unlearnt. It seems that to struggle against it is so firmly engrained that a conscious effort must be made to allow one’s self to float with the current of wisdom.

First, it is hard to believe that after the war is over and you stand in the midst of the carnage and destruction, God is able to make whole again. Oddly, this promise of healing is easier to receive personally than it is to believe that it will come to pass for The Other Party. Personally, I only realized recently that my guilty relapses were really due (albeit unconsciously) to a lack of trust that God really is capable of making anyone and anything in any circumstance whole again.

Second, fallibility is a given. Do I sound too pessimistic or fatalistic? Possibly. It came out differently on Thursday when I said that one thing all my relationships have taught me is that I am not as nice/good/unselfish/caring a person as I actually think I am. This ‘revelation’ still comes as a shock every time the evidence surfaces, regardless of how many times it has come to light before. It’s an almost comical scene; to think, “Why am I behaving this way? That’s not how I am like!” Well, it would seem that we’re really are like that, but we don’t like to remember our shortcomings in the area of virtue, do we?

Time to get ready for lunch now. The necessities of life once again interrupt.

A Short Note

to let whoever who reads this know that I haven't abandoned my blog, but it will not be a priority for now till I've settled down a little. Immediately after YES I've had to juggle between my aunt's business accounts and starting to work in church and now, all the CNY 'duties'.

It's been enjoyable though, except for the fact that I'm rather worn out at the moment. Yet, it's tough to be disciplined enough to go to bed early during the hols. There's always something more interesting to do and the next time you check, it's early in the morning already. And you can't sleep in the next day 'cos there's something else on.

Anyway, was reminded about my blog this morning, so here's my update. As I said, I was delighted to have so many engaging conversations yesterday, first with my siblings, mom's friends, paternal relatives, maternal cousins and finally my whole family in bed at night, which was the icing on the cake. You see, it's been a while since we've all curled up together on my parents bed and shared. Today was more subdued as though we had guests over the whole afternoon and night, I wasn't up to talking much. They're still outside now as I'm typing this but it takes less effort to blog than to entertain.

Looking forward to time with Liz, Yen and Tine tomorrow! My week off is almost over but I haven't done all that I had hoped to...