Adapted from a Poem by Jayne Edwards

Meant to include the following verse in my post on fear but I didn’t have the time. It articulates quite nicely a part of what I feel now that I’m supposed to have finished my final semester (yeah, I use the word supposed. It’s not certain till the results are released in December but I really am praying that I make it through; one cannot be completely certain).

hey-what’s the matter?
you maybe expected maturity . . .
I am young.
you want complacent smiles, reflecting
planned futures . . .
I am not certain of a future.
you expect confidence . . .
I am afraid.
but in a mechanical world
of false eyelashes
and too many words, I am beginning
to learn what it means to Reach Out!
I tried to retreat, just until
I could feel God
until He had given me the inside
groove on Absolute Truth.
I failed in my isolation . . . Alone
is no answer.
one hand expresses revolution or peace,
hatred or love . . .meaningless gestures
as long as that hand stays in a pocket.
but gestures can become promise
and promise is enforced by
commitment
when that hand reaches out
to another hand.
some hands are reaching out in
frustration and anger
I will reach out in love,
to others
to a tree-shaded Midwestern suburbs
to a world.
I am young, uncertain, and afraid
but, in faith, I will touch you
with Christ.

The ending is a lot more optimistic and lofty than I am at the moment now though. All I feel is black and white and I'm wound up small and tight and I don't know who I am. Still.