Joining the Ranks

I never thought that I would actually do this. I hate the idea of anyone reading what I write, so much so that in secondary school, I avoided handing any essays (especially English essays) up unless I absolutely had to. Which meant that the only essays I handed up were written during exams. Which means that since I got so little practice, they weren't very good. But I'd get good enough marks anyway, since I read alot and English is my first language.

I envied the bold souls I know who seem to so effortlessly post up events, reviews, musings and more online for public scrutiny. I am a perfectionist by nature, and am rarely satisfied with any thing I create. I keep going back to anything I've done to improve, redo, edit, change. I am my greatest critic.

So, why did I decide to blog? Simply, because I need to. I've always had a secret desire to write, and early this year I took the plunge and started keeping a spiritual journal. Mainly a short record of the Bible passage I read that day, some prayer items and the occasional reflection or meditation. Nothing spectacular, and there were many lapses and weeks of silence till I finally gave the whole exercise up in May. But every now and then when I felt overwhelmed, I would resort to scribbling down my feelings. I found that it helped to put things into perspective, and that the process of putting my thoughts into words helped to give coherence and clarity to them. Even so, I still have a long way to go in perfecting the art of shaping a thought into words. I think more than I write, and my words do no justice to my thoughts yet.

At the same time, a sense of belief that I actually do have something worthwhile to say began to grow. Or rather, I can see that it began to grow in retrospect, as the feeling seemed to manifest itself in my consciousness out of the blue. Today. I have spent my life (so far) admiring literary masterpieces, and I've learnt that one factor that makes a great piece of writing great is the message what the writer communicates through it. In other words, a great piece of writing must have both a worthwhile message AND an audience before it can be considered great.

I don't really want to go into the specifics of why, but I've reached a point where I must write. And I must write for an audience. For now, I'm happy with a close-knit, familar audience whom I trust. From there, try to write worthwhile messages.

Thus endeth my first post.